“if u dont love me, somebody else will. so dont u ever get too comfortable” - lil wayne
the honeymoon stage is always WONDERFUL. butterflies at the sight of his name on ur phone, that giddy-i’m-a-little-girl feeling everytime he says ur name, and the euphoric lets-get-lifted “love” fills the air. he goes out of his way to do any and everything to be with u and the little things are always taken into account. “like a shot of hennessey, honey he chasin u.” - rae rosero
andd thennnn that shit gets old. and all of a sudden everything he does is fucking annoying the shit outta u and u can’t STAND another second and ur plotting how to smother him with ur pillow when he’s sleeping. the muthafucka actin like ur pussy got an expiration date and shit and lets himself go and barely has the time to text you good morning let alone take ur ass out.
so.. what the fuck happened? the chase is over and he is no longer paying u any mind. and then we get all upset but say we arent but we really are and we start resenting the guy cuz his ass SHOULD JUST KNOW, right?
i been with my husband for 7 years and i’d like to believe that we still keep shit interesting so lemme just share some tips on how to keep each other interested after the honeymoon phase has gone to shit.
for the ladies:
1. COMMUNICATE - and i dont mean anything along the lines of nagging, or bitching cuz TRUST that shit goes in one ear and out the other. i actually mean communicating. when ur upset, let him know. when something bothers u… speak on it. the only way to fix things is to keep the line of commication open or else u’ll find urself blowing up over the stupidest shit and then ur the one who looks like the crazy bitch.
2. HE AIN’T EDWARD CULLEN. and this is such blasphemy coming from the biggest twihard on the planet but ur dude aint a knight in shining armor. he has not come into ur life to fix everything that is broken with u. he aint a basketball player, or a prince, or a rapper. he’s just an ordinary dude who you love so get over the illusion of what u want him to be and accept him for who he is. realize what’s real and what he actually has to offer u cuz it should suit u just fine.
3. KNOW YOURSELF. if u dont know urself.. if u aint right within u, then please dont expect a man to even try and know u. i get it. we women. we complicated as fuck. but how are we ever gonna try and give any of ourselves to someone if we cant get it right in our own head. get ur mind right andthen share it. cuz it dont work the other way around. as soon as we get to the point of RESPECT for ourselves, then we can begin to respect someone else as a whole. and only then, is respect is reciprocated fully.
4. LEARN HOW TO BE FLEXIBLE. there aint nobody exactly like u. (how boring would that be dating urself anyways?) so instead of picking and critisizing the differences between u and him, learn to love them and accept them and learn from them. i promise you, you will be a much better person if u allow urself to be open instead of wishing he were different. be his rock and he’ll be the same for you.
5. STOP ASSUMING. and this goes hand in hand with number 1. i know as women we swear like we know everything and we’d bet our first born child that we know what our men is thinking. but real talk, we dont. u have to understand the psyche of a man and realize that they do not have the ability to mind read (like my man Edward Cullen). so stop assuming he knows that ur upset and that he knows why cuz i promise he dont. dont assume he’ll do something cuz ur last bf did cuz they two different people. assumptions lead to miscommunication and then disappointment so if u dont have any ointment for that butthurt, stop assuming shit. if u dont know, ASK. if ur unsure if he gets it, SPEAK. lead by example, and he’ll follow.
6. LET HIM BE UR BF(F). if u ever wana get to that place with him u gotta let him be there for u. if u cant talk to him about ur problems, then why the fuck u guys together? stop yappin ur bizness to ur girlfriends and take ur shit strait to the source. i mean, thats what girlfriends are for, but i promise u that we get tired of hearing about how much of an asshole he is, and then watch as u sit there and do nothing about it. man the fuck up and let him be ur man. $10 says he dont even know u mad. (and again, see #1)
for the fellas, i only got two words of advice for you:
1. PAY ATTENTION. i cannot stress this enough that its the little things that fucking matter. u complain that we always naggin and bitchin but thats only cuz u dont hear shit until the 10th time we’ve said it! put the ps3 controller down, turn the porn off, pause the fucking Raider game (thats what they made dvr for anyways), and just pay attention. u aint foolin nobody tellin me u can multitask. that tv got u in tunnel vision and u dont even notice we’re in ur favorite lace bra and panty set. and i KNOW that video game dont give u a raging boner like ur lady does so give her some respect. if u hear her say she cravin chocolate, bring her favorite kind and ur pogi points will soar thru the roof! trustttt! this aint game its just common sense! (i could write a whole fucking book about this shit but ima cut it short cuz im sure u get the picture)
2. SPEAK ON IT. please give us more feedback than “yeah”, “uh huh” and “thats cool”. let us know that we lookin extra fly today. tell me that uve noticed my waist getting thinner. let me know that you heard me so i dont have to repeat myself. this goes back to item #1 for the ladies… communication is KEY. and even if u aint the kinda guy thats GOOD at getting ur point accross, all u gotta do is try. u do not have a mute button so please make use of ur vocal chords and let us know!
and ta-muthafuckin-da. “u dont have to be perfect love, as long as ur willing to learn” - estelle. its all a learning process… but as long as u put in some effort, it will be noticed and reciprocated… and then ur happy asses can be all caked and shit and live happily ever after. the end.
“The irony of love is loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right, and finding out that you love someone right after that person has walked out of your life. Sometimes you think you’re already over a person, but when you see them smile at you, you suddenly realize that you’re just pretending to be over them, just to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again. For some, letting go is one way of expressing how much they love a person, but for others it’s holding on to that special feeling as long as possible before it fades away. Most relationships tend to fail not because of the absence of love, love is always present, it’s just that one was being loved too much and the other wasn’t being loved enough. We all know that the heart is the center of the body, but it beats on the left. maybe that’s the reason why the heart is not always right. Most often, we fall in love with the person we think we love only to discover that for them, we are just a pass time, while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger. So here’s a piece of advice: let go when you are hurting too much. Give up when you or the other believes love isn’t enough, and move on when things are not like before. there is someone out there who will honestly love you, and only then will you know true love.”—(via springzephyr, justlia, iamblessed, 3isagoodnumber, boysmakemegiggle, pinkeezy, alixjay) (via cassieduckworth) (via stayherewithme)
“Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small, like when we do a bad thing for a good reason. Some are bigger like when we let down a friend. Some of us escape the pains of regret by making the right choice. Some of us have little time for regret because we’re looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past, and sometimes we bury our regret by promising to change our ways. But our biggest regrets are not for the things we did but for the things we didn’t do, things we didn’t say that could have saved someone we care about. Especially when we can see the dark storm that’s headed their way.”—One Tree Hill For a special friend. (via julie911)
The importance of things can be measured by how much time we are willing to invest in them. The more time you give to something, the more you reveal its importance and value to you. If you want to know a person’s priorities, just look at how they use their time.
Time is your most precious gift because you only have a set amount of it. You can make more money, but can’t make more time. When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you’ll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time.
It is not enough to just say relationships are important; we must prove it by investing time in them. Words alone are worthless. “My children, our love should not just be words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action.” Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is “T-I-M-E.”
The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves. Men, in particular, often don’t understand this. Many have said, “I don’t understand my wife and kids. I provide everything they need. What more could they want?” They want you! Your eyes, your ears, your time, your attention, your presence, your focus - your time. Nothing can take the place of that.
The most desired gift of love is not diamonds or roses or chocolate. It is focused attention. Loves concentrates so intently on another that you forget yourself at that moment. Attention says. “I value you enough to give you my most precious asset - my time.” Whenever you give your time, you are making a sacrifice, and sacrifice is the essence of love. Jesus modeled this: “Be full of love for others, following the example of Christ who loved you and gave Himself to God as a sacrifice to take away your sins.”
You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving. “God so loved the world that he gave…” Love means giving up - yielding your preferences, comfort, goals, security, money, energy, or time for the benefit of someone else.
This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.
The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.
FOR MY LADIES; who deserve so much more than we get.
This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don’t give it up on the first date, who don’t want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they’ve heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren’t perfect and that the guys they’re interested in aren’t either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe… maybe this time he’ll have understood. This is an homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don’t deserve their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from “there are plenty of fish in the sea,” to “time heals all wounds.” This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.
This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it’s an experience that they don’t want to miss out on. For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude comments and explicit invitations that they’d rather not have experienced. This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or a comatose crush, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn’t care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed. This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt. This is for the girls who have been told that they’re too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.
This is for the girls who have to pretend it doesn’t hurt because she knows that even though her friends say “you’re better off without him” or “he doesn’t deserve you”, she knows that they words were from the heart, but they don’t mend hers. This is for the girl who poured her heart into something hoping he’d realize how much he meant to her and how much she meant to him, only to discover that she meant nothing to him all along. This is for the girl who had followed her heart, threw away her inhibitions, thought she had triumphed over all the obstacles, only to find out that her Prince Charming had returned to his “ex-princess”. This is for all the nights she listened to every song they heard together, replayed all the times he told her he loved her, looked at every picture they had together, and thought if only she could figure out the exact moment she lost him. This is for all the times she had told herself to be strong and Let It Go, only to find herself calling her bestfriend at three in the morning to tell her she thinks she’s going crazy because he won’t get out of her mind. This is for all the bestfriends who never faltered to try and pick up their friends from off the floor to give them a hug they know they need. This is for the countless nights they stayed up together trying to find an explanation for a “true love” gone wrong. This is for how bad it hurt coming up with no conclusion.
This is for the girl who swore to never let anyone hurt her that bad again, only to find herself falling for someone who poured salt on that wound. For the girl who needed someone there for her after a bad break up, only to discover that months into it, he had hurt her and used her more than she had been with the previous. This is for the girl who gets called his “true love” on the phone, his “future wife” to her family, and “just a friend” to his friends and other girls. This is for the many times he had walked back into her life and left, just as quick. This is for the girl who took a risk on the guy that swore they were special, gave herself to him, and was left with nothing more than bruises.
This one’s for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won’t because it’s easier to sleep with a whore than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he’s just not ready, he’s just not over his ex, he’s just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it’s easier to believe that it’s not that they don’t want you, it’s that they don’t want anyone. This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you’ve returned home alone, for the nights when you’ve seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he’s with to be a random hookup. This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn’t that he didn’t want a relationship: it was that he didn’t want you.
I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he’d realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.This is for the “I really like you, so let’s still be friends” comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you’ve received from your female friends, for the nights they’ve reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you’d have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we’ve believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we’d have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisfied with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don’t think that they deserve more, because they’ve been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.
This is what I don’t understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don’t appreciate them and don’t want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mindgames, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call… and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the “stalker chick” you’d met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this “nice girl” who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you’re not looking for a nice girl. You’re not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intermural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you’re looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.
So don’t say you’re on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won’t answer your catcalls, sometimes you’re looking at a nice girl in whore’s clothing - - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we’re all thinking the same thing: “This isn’t me. Tomorrow morning, I’ll be wearing a teeshirt and flannel shorts, I’ll have slept alone and I’ll be making my hungover best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me.” You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don’t want the nice girl.. so don’t say you’re looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we’re willing to extend - - but in return, we’re looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they’re running, they’re chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets … while the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congradulatory hug (and yes, if she’s a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won’t matter), hoping against hope that maybe you’ll realize that they’re the ones that you want at the end of that silly race.
So maybe it won’t last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we’re waiting; however, until that happens, we still have each other, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat (because what’s a concession stand at a race without some chocolate?)
Anyone who has gone through the agony of losing someone she loves so much will still wish against all odds to have that love back again.
But, sometimes a love lost is a love gone forever. No amount of hope can bring to life a relationship that just died a natural death. Set yourself free. Let your heart spread its wings and fly. Remember, it may rain for 40 days and 40 nights, but it will not rain forever. One day the pouring will stop and there will be plenty of branches where you can find rest. On one of these is where you will build your nest and start over again. It’s never too late. Remember, you may find love and lose it but, “WHEN LOVE DIES, YOU NEVER HAVE TO DIE WITH IT”. Remember that you cannot be a redeemer all your life.
The best way to weigh a relationship is out in the test of fire. You cannot be a prisoner of your mistake forever. Remember, we all fail and make wrong decisions, but our blunders are meant not to bury us deep in misery, but to teach us the valued lessons of life.
Loving is always a learning process. With love, we learn how to care and sacrifice. We learn to share and reach out. We learn to be unselfish and give more than we can. And when everything doesn’t end well, we learn how it feels to fall, we strive to get back on our feet and move on. This is where we learn that “Life doesn’t end where our heartaches begin”. THERE IS NO FUTURE IN A RELATIONSHIP OF LIES AND SELFISHNESS. It’s true, there’s life in love. But there can still be life even after losing love if you leave the past behind and let your heart heal and give you the chance to find yourself again.
The success of a relationship lies not only in the beauty of its beginning, but in its consistency. Make a choice not on impulse, but a decision based on a healthy balance of mind and heart.
Let us always remember that “HAPPINESS IS NOT A MATTER OF DESTINY, BUT A MATTER OF CHOICE”. There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon becomes part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions. The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than friendship. We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer, but in the end our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves. “YOU DON’T HAVE TO FORGET SOMEONE YOU LOVE. WHAT YOU NEED TO LEARN IS HOW TO ACCEPT THE VERDICT OF REALITY WITHOUT BEING BITTER OR SORRY FOR YOURSELF. YOU WOULD BETTER OFF GIVING THAT DEDICATION AND LOVE TO SOMEONE MORE DESERVING”. Don’t let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well. Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow. “IF YOU LOSE LOVE, THAT DOESN’T MEAN THAT YOU HAVE FAILED IN LOVE. CRY IF YOU HAVE TO, BUT MAKE SURE TO LET THE TEARS WASH AWAY THE HURT AND THE BITTERNESS THAT THE PAST LEFT YOU WITH. LET GO OF YESTERDAY AND LOVE WILL FIND ITS WAY BACK TO YOU”. And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime. A woman on the rebound could easily fall for sweeping emotions and be made to falsely believe that she finally stumbled upon the right man when what she just found is only someone to cover up for the love she lost. A man who makes promises with words and not with actions may never live up to fulfill them.
“IT’S TRUE THAT LOVE CAN WAIT FOREVER, BUT IT IS CRAZY TO STUBBORNLY HOPE FOR SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T EVEN CARE OR UNDERSTAND HOW WE FEEL”.
Loving someone is never a sin. It is what people do out of love that sometimes makes it all wrong. The selfish desire to want that person is what makes it a sin. Don’t think only of your feelings for real love doesn’t have a place for selfish people. When there is love, there is always sacrifice. When we love someone, we NEVER easily GIVE UP on that person. Even if we get hurt badly we always try to find a way to ease the pain and learn to understand and forgive. Loving too much doesn’t hurt. It is when we expect this love to be reciprocated that we begin to seek approval and acceptance of the things we have done and when we are taken for granted and rejected, we curse the very same love that we once freely and happily offered.
“DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME WAITING FOR SOMEONE WHO NEVER REALLY CARED ABOUT HOW YOU WOULD HAVE FELT. OPEN YOUR HEART AGAIN AND GIVE YOURSELF THE CHANCE TO FIND THE ONE WHO WOULD MAKE LOVING WORTH THE PAIN AND THE SACRIFICE”.
Just like anything else, our love grows weak and extent. Beyond that, it withers without any hope of recovery and soon dies. God wakes us up in the midst of a storm to teach us a lesson. He takes away people we love, so we can learn to value love itself. He makes us cry so hard so we can see clearly when we open our eyes. He makes us bitter so we can realize that there is no genuine happiness if we think only of our needs and not of others. Relationships built on jealousy and selfishness is doomed from the very beginning.
The hardest part of losing love is letting go and moving on. Most of us cry endlessly over things that could have been but never will be. “God allows us to experience pain to make us stronger and better persons. He will see us through the most trying and difficult times in ourlives and only if we put our trust in Him we can learn to find joy in our tears and happiness in our sorrows”. In many failed relationships, separation comes as the inevitable choice, but moving on always proves to be twice as difficult as letting go. Sometimes, the end of a relationship is imposed on us, but our choice to hold on is always beyond the control of circumstances. Letting go is a decision that can never be dictated on us. It is a resolve we make ourselves. Acceptance is the key to a new beginning and time is the healer of all wounds. Even if the storm casts its fearful shadow, there will always be light after our darkness and lonely moments. There is always a hope for those who believe. There is always a chance for those who try. “Losing someone may not be a loss at all, but a blessing because someone even more is yet to come”. There is nothing wrong in expressing our feelings to someone we love, but “we must always be sensitive to the signals that tell us when to rationalize and be sensible”. There comes a time in our lives when we would fall for someone who wouldn’t be as interested as we are because his attention is focused on someone else. There are many times when we love, but don’t get loved in return. There are times when the sign ahead says stop, but we still stubbornly head on. We would say our love is unconditional, but if it really is, then we should never feel bad. But why do we get frustrated when love turns sour? Because we still subconsciously seek acceptance and assurance from the people we care about.
Being in love can be the most wonderful thing we could experience, but if the feeling begins to consume our whole beings, then we have to stop and let our minds and not our hearts dictate our actions. Only when we learn to accept our fate and understand the meaning of our failures we can truly go on with life without having to look back and cry over the things that could have been, but will never be.
We miss out on so many beautiful things and simply because we allow ourselves to be enslaved by our own selfish concerns. Go for the man of deeds and not for the man of words, for you will find rewarding happiness, not with the man you love but the man who loves you more. The best lovers are those capable of loving from a distance, far enough to allow the person to grow, but never too far to feel the love deep within your being. TO LET GO OF SOMEONE DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO STOP LOVING, IT ONLY MEANS THAT YOU ALLOW THAT PERSON TO FIND HIS OWN HAPPINESS WITHOUT EXPECTING HIM TO COME BACK. Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but it is also setting yourself free from all bitterness, hatred, and anger that you keep in your heart. Do not let the bitterness take away your strength and weaken your faith, and never allow pain to dishearten you, but rather let yourself grow with wisdom in bearing it. You may find peace in just loving someone from a distance not expecting anything in return. But be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow. We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today. There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon becomes a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions. The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than just a friendship. We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer but in the end our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves. You don’t have to forget someone you love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself. Believe me, you would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving. Don’t let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself.
Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well. Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow. If you lose love that doesn’t mean that you failed in love. Cry if you have to, but make it sure that the tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left with you. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you. And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime. There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is though everything is a miracle.
The more grudges you carry, the heavier your burden becomes. Forgive, and let them go.
When someone has wronged you, it hurts. There is certainly no sense in using your own time and energy to prolong that hurt. Forgive, and you can begin to move away from the pain. Forgive, and you can move forward with a much lighter load.
Forgiveness does not mean that you allow others to take advantage of you. On the contrary, forgiveness gives you positive power no matter what others may have done.
Anger and spite can eat away at life until there’s almost nothing of value left. Forgive, and free yourself from the grips of that anger.
Forgive, and you’ll be much better off. Forgive, and you’ll be free to truly live.
If you’re not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married couples and reflect on it.
An African proverb states, “Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye.”
Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don’t let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don’t fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren’t really important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you’ve got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together.
Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can’t take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can’t make someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and “a life”, you won’t find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.
Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship! Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship. What keeps a relationship strong?
Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note).
Leave a nice message on the voicemail or send a nice email.
Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can’t always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don’t try to control one another. Learn each other’s family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless.
Don’t put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.
The difference between ‘United’ and ‘Untied’ is where you put the ‘I’.